Bridezillas

Cable television is ruining my life.

I got cable a few weeks ago to watch the World Cup and the Tour de France, which starts Saturday. My plan was slightly flawed, in that I don’t have any way to record the numerous World Cup games that happen when I’m at work. But I’ve watched all the weekend games, and carefully monitored them on the Internet during the week.

In fact, I’ve even managed to stay far enough from the news today so that I don’t know who won the Germany/Argentina game this morning. That’s quite a feat when you work for a newspaper, and there are television screens in every hallway with the day’s headlines.

But when I signed up for cable, I never thought shows like “Bridezillas” and “Dr. 90210” would help me waste away beautiful summer evenings. Rather than go for bike rides or walk around the lakes, I’m spending my nights in my air-conditioned apartment watching trashy TV shows.

On Bridezillas a few nights ago, there was a woman who broke up with her fiancée because he tried to help her arrive at the church on time for their rehearsal. And she had 15 bridesmaids! And then on Dr. 90210, there was a transsexual doing a male-to-female transition by getting breast implants. But he was too skinny so they couldn’t stretch his chest skin far enough to give her big enough boobs.

I even watched “The Art of an Athlete” on the Health channel. It featured the life story of gymnast Dominique Dawes, and how she became a super-duper Olympian without being psycho like all the other cute little gymnasts.

When I had cable television a few years ago, my vice was Law and Order. It was all I would watch on T.V., because TNT had it on at least eight times a night. Now, it’s on 3 different channels all night long, so I can even choose between regular Law and Order, Criminal Intent or Special Victims Unit. I’m so conflicted!

So, do I cancel my cable after the Tour de France, or do I work on self control? Clearly there’s a problem here.

Anyway, since I think I just saw a headline saying who won the soccer game this morning. Crap. I’m just going to think about their final appearance in the World Cup tomorrow vs. Brazil. Allez, les Bleus!